Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
