I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
