I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
