Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
