i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
