Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
