This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize