The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
