I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
