I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
