thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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