so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
