I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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