He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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