You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
