I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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