I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
