Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.

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(646): View more from New York

Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

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(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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(708): View more from Illinois

we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though

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(716): View more from New York

I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

(1-716): View more from New York

Eh. They balance each other out

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(248): View more from Michigan

We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.

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(406): View more from Montana

They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.

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