ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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