Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
