Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
