Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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