): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
