Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
