does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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