So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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