i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
