Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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