Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
