I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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