it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
