The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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