remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
