Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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