he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
