So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
