Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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