Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
