my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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