The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
