my being single is dangerous.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dear god my vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
