Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
