my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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