apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
