The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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