I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
