who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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