College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
