it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
