it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize