hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
