she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
