I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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