I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
