i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize