I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
