I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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