I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize