Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.