If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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