This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
