So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
