If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
