there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
