clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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