when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
