What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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