Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
