wrigley field is MILF paradise
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you win again, gameday.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
