Sacagawea was the original milf.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
