I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The best revenge is premature balding
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
