sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
