Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
