So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
